Heart VS Head

I was talking to a friend today who quoted a TEDtalk about self-esteem, "you need to meet yourself, because if you met yourself, I think you'd really like her."  What does this mean, to meet yourself? To walk up to yourself and say "hi, I'm George!" "well hi George, I'm George too!" all whilst shaking hands? I mean, if that feels right, why not? Okay, those are a bunch of silly questions... but in some seriousness, what would it feel like to meet you, if you were someone else? I don't think I've made anyone hate me on first meeting, but I really don't know what it's like. Life isn't all about impressions though, what do people feel like when they've spent a long time with you? I spend all my time with me, so I have no idea how it feels to be apart from me. I don't feel toooooo terrible, I guess that's a good sign.  We humans tend to overthink, huh?  What about meeting yourself, as in coming to the pla...

Let's say I'm making a quilt, because why not?  I'm taking a look at the patches I have to work with, and feel dissatisfied. I think "these aren't what I wanted, some of them have holes in them, or are too small too do anything with!" A thought pops into my head, one that is clearly not my own,  ,   "you're not seeing the full picture." "Oh? Okay what's the full picture then?" "You don't need to know." "How am I supposed to put this quilt together without knowing what it's supposed to look like?" "Trust me." Anybody who knows me and put two and two together knows that this is a cheesy little analogy for life and trusting God. But seriously, I find myself frustrated that I have these strange pieces that I'm supposed to work into my pattern. Up close they seem strange, but when I back up and look at the work God has done so far, I see part of the picture he's creating. A flower her...

I'm wonderful because of how my nose curves up at the end, my eyes that search for the answers to all my questions, and my eyebrows that can't help but show what I'm feeling. I'm wonderful because my big hair can't seem to decide if it's curly or straight. I'm wonderful when I laugh too loud or snort at a joke that surprises me. I'm wonderful when my voice cracks because I get too excited, or when my eyes go wide because of what I've just been told. I'm wonderful because of my collection of plaid shirts and scrunchies that I wear all the time. I'm wonderful when I say things that make me giggle, the little phrases I can't seem to get out of my brain until I express them loudly.  I'm wonderful because I love to hear what people have to say, there's nothing that makes me happier than when I see people talking about their favorite things. I'm wonderful because I've grown to care less about what other people think, though ...

I had the wonderful opportunity to house sit for 10 days over winter break. It was amazing. I loved the complete freedom to make my schedule and not have to worry about life for a while. I hung out with friends, watched movies I had been meaning to watch, got creative, and spent my time doing what I loved without the fear of "what would my mom think." But, reality strikes when I must go home.  Home I went, and home I would not like to stay. I took the time to catch up with my parents, talking about our weeks and going over the calendar for the next week. That conversation drained me more than cleaning up 15 piles of cat vomit.  Words I heard from my mom: "you having the car makes it hard for me" "don't you think it's manipulative that you..." "don't get your hopes up" Words I did not hear from my mom: "I'm happy to see you" "Glad you're home" "Welcome back" "How are ...

OOOF. I just said "no" to my mom. I feel guilty and relieved.  The situation: I encouraged my mom to do an event that would benefit other people. I was invited, but being ill-prepared for the occasion, I told her I would not be able to make it.  Heart's perspective: Not being ready for the event, it not being required for me, not being ready for it, nor it hinging on me, going would stress me more than it would bless me (poetry, right?). I would rather stay home and write a blog post. Head's perspective: Having encouraged my mom to host the event, and it not taking much energy to go, I should attend. I would learn fun and slightly valuable skills. I did decide to say no, and stay home. I am glad I did so, as I wasn't ready and the energy it would take to become ready was a large and stressful amount. The problem is, there is some guilt. It may have been the tone that was associated with the "fine," or my realization that I did encourage th...