Heart vs Head: When I don't
When I don't have the energy to write, I talk. When I don't have the energy to talk, I write.
When I don't have the energy to consume, I think. When I don't have the energy to think, I consume.
When I don't have the energy to create, I work. When I don't have the energy to work, I create.
There's always another option, or an alternative when I don't have the energy. These things take up different types of energy, will power, brain power, physical power. More too, but I'm feeling, not thinking.
I've had to take a good hard look at myself recently. I've discovered triggers, coping mechanisms (good and bad), and lot's of other things that have scientific names or at least something smarter than this sentence. I have no other options except to observe, learn, and act upon my new knowledge. I've learned that I eat socially sometimes. I've learned that cooking is fun. I've learned that I can survive without my support system. I've learned that I'm a phone gamer. I've learned that I am definitely a night owl. I've learned that I can take control of my mental health. I've learned that I react poorly to being separated from my friends. I've learned that I lean a lot on hope.
When I don't have hope, I crumble. Then one broken piece of me sees a glimmer somewhere. Then another. I can hardly believe it, when everything fails me, there is still hope. Where does this hope come from? How can it exist when I feel as thought everything has been taken? Oh. That's right. You knew this, Hannah... it's eternal hope. It is completely unaffected by the world, while everything crumbles, while the worldly things I so often hang my hopes on fall apart, this still remains. A shining beacon, a light in the darkness. Illuminating a small area around me. Even though everything is dark, clouded and blurry, I do not trip.
Have you ever been camping, and forgotten your flashlight? I have, it's not an experience I'd recommend. I ended up having to rely on other people, people who had lights I could borrow, or people who had bright lights. That's a lesson to learn right now. When everything is dark, go towards the people with the lights. It's not about the people right? It's about the light.
When I don't have the energy to consume, I think. When I don't have the energy to think, I consume.
When I don't have the energy to create, I work. When I don't have the energy to work, I create.
There's always another option, or an alternative when I don't have the energy. These things take up different types of energy, will power, brain power, physical power. More too, but I'm feeling, not thinking.
I've had to take a good hard look at myself recently. I've discovered triggers, coping mechanisms (good and bad), and lot's of other things that have scientific names or at least something smarter than this sentence. I have no other options except to observe, learn, and act upon my new knowledge. I've learned that I eat socially sometimes. I've learned that cooking is fun. I've learned that I can survive without my support system. I've learned that I'm a phone gamer. I've learned that I am definitely a night owl. I've learned that I can take control of my mental health. I've learned that I react poorly to being separated from my friends. I've learned that I lean a lot on hope.
When I don't have hope, I crumble. Then one broken piece of me sees a glimmer somewhere. Then another. I can hardly believe it, when everything fails me, there is still hope. Where does this hope come from? How can it exist when I feel as thought everything has been taken? Oh. That's right. You knew this, Hannah... it's eternal hope. It is completely unaffected by the world, while everything crumbles, while the worldly things I so often hang my hopes on fall apart, this still remains. A shining beacon, a light in the darkness. Illuminating a small area around me. Even though everything is dark, clouded and blurry, I do not trip.
Have you ever been camping, and forgotten your flashlight? I have, it's not an experience I'd recommend. I ended up having to rely on other people, people who had lights I could borrow, or people who had bright lights. That's a lesson to learn right now. When everything is dark, go towards the people with the lights. It's not about the people right? It's about the light.
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